Things that happened today were thoroughly anticipated and went according to how i predicted it would be. Yes i did half expect another alternative situation to arise but i guess the chances of it happening were very low. I do admit that it might be my fault for not making first contact and having my stuck up pride kill everything that we might have worked for.
Upon sharing what i felt with a close friend of mine and at legion. I found out that what he said and a response that i had gotten during legion was absolutely true. Well since i have to respect legion's confidential nature, i can only say what my friend shared with me. He said that after this vigorous cycle that keeps repeating itself, it isnt a very healthy form of relationship that anyone should have. Sometimes you do not have to keep contacting in order to just remain as friends or if it hurts you then the suggested solution would be to just give it all up altogether. I guess one should not hesitate to do things sometimes though it may feel like a pity to just give everything up. Sometimes, it is for the better.
As we grow up. Everything that we do becomes more and more uncertain. Even studies and maths and homework and tests all get harder. Some do not even have definite solutions as their solutions! This has made my life even more confusing. Sometimes i dont know if im in the right or in the wrong for doing something. But hell, why is it that everyone should always think logically and act less on how they feel? Why do humans all prefer to be more hypocritical and backstab and talk bad about people behind their backs and be good in front of them so as to maintain good relations? Yes it sounds like it IS the sensible thing to do but how much credit would you be awarded when you pass away into your after life? All I do know now is that i do not know how i should act anymore. After all, i am human too. Which human doesnt need love and attention from the people they wish to receive it from? Loneliness really kills. I just really dont know what to do and how to proceed for here on...
With mid-years just rounding the corner, i could look at being emo in a positive light as i would study more and try and attempt to distract myself from the real pain that i am experiencing within the depths of my empty heart. Thats a positive outlook to look forward to...
Well in conclusion, I really cannot see us as close friends as we were before anymore. The experiences that we had shared would be one that would be practically impossible to revive and it all began with a foolish decision i made on 5th June 2007. The fateful one that led to how it has become today. Should we become friends again, i seriously doubt i would still be contacting you as often. Maybe weekly at church. But other than that.. i have more important things to adhere to and having you spoil my momentum would just be fucked up. Though you will not read this. I wish you best of luck in all that you do. Goodbye.
*Im not crying. My eyes just opted to perspire*
